Prying Eyes

Throughout my life I have had many people who try to get involved and help me change my life around. I have been sent to speak to psychotherapists and councilors, and none of them seemed to make sense of my problems. I have become used to the fact that I am damaged goods. I have been through hell and back; which not one of the therapists or councilors seem to grasp. They do not fully understand what it is like to be in the situations that I have been in. I feel like I am alone speaking about my life, which to some seems to sound like a horror tale. For me, everything I have forced to witness or experience is very real, and has shaped me as a person. I am very isolated about my emotions and have learned to not speak up.

The only way to express my feelings is through my writing. My poetry and stories are my rehab and my therapy. I am rehabilitating myself and I feel that I do not need any person’s help who will never understand me or know me. I write to release my pain and anguish, to help myself realize where I stand emotionally. I feel that the only one who can understand my agony is me.

Looking Toward the Bay

She stood there as still as she could be
With the wind blowing through her hair and with only the past she could see
All the chaos she did not intend to cause
After it happened she became stiff and paused
A few minutes later she came back to reality
Quickly and scared, she went to the cliff to flee
Again the images came rushing through her darkened mind
Unfortunately she put her soul on the line
Her sanity slowly begins to fly away
While she looks off the cliff at the unforgiving bay
Remembering the past hurt her deep inside
All she could do was regret and deny
She criticizes herself, it was all her fault
She is melting away like water with some salt
She wants to make it better, make it all go away
She looked closer to the edge and looked at the bay
The water thrashing around under the cliff
Might make all the torturous guilt lift
The waves were unforgiving and filled with abhorrence
Everything she thought now made no sense
She stood there confused contemplating life and death
Her past kept reminding her that she had nothing left
Should she or shouldn’t she jump into the bay
Just to make her shocking past go away
Her sanity is gone and is slowly decaying
She just wants a new beginning
standing there with nothing left
Living but not wanting her death
Her past haunts her decrepit mind
Hoping that her past she couldn’t find
She ran away from her hurtful past
She hopes that her life just wouldn’t last
Blaming herself makes the malice stay
She’s reminded of her past as she looks at the thrashing bay
Contemplating whether to live or die
As she look at the bay she let out a lonely sigh
Her life is worthless, she wallows in her nothingness
All she wants to do is let her past rest
Just let her past drown slowly in the bay
Making all her misery slowly lift away
She knows she can’t live her life like this
Knowing that freedom does not exist
She wants to end her life and free her soul
Destroying her past is her top goal
Annulations of her past and what reminds her of it
She’s quietly looking at the bay, at the edge of the cliff
Whether to live or whether to die
She can’t find the answers to send her spirits high
Quickly she stands and walks off the cliff
Finally her dreaded past begins to lift

Hidden Pain

Beaten and battered again, hiding my fear
Disclosing my possibility of shedding a tear
Hurt by the one whom I undoubtedly love
Even though he smacks me around and shoves
Secretly I endure the beatings from him
Crying alone, each time he bruises or scraps my skin
He mocks me each time I suddenly flinch
Then he grabs my skin with the pain of a pinch
Walking everyday with a black eye or fat lip
Or trying to hide the gash from hip to hip
Trying to hide each and every gash and scrap
And unaware of the future, painful rape
Now years later, it haunts my memory
Because of how much this emotionally scarred me